


Can't Win

by charming1



Category: Queer as Folk (US)
Genre: Could Be Canon, Drama, Explicit Language, Gap Filler, M/M, POV First Person
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-13
Updated: 2013-09-13
Packaged: 2017-12-26 12:14:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,450
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/965811
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/charming1/pseuds/charming1
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Follows Justin's POV during and after Episode 3.3. It turns out that Ethan was less than thrilled with the comment that Justin made to Ethan’s friend at the party and that Justin left the party without him, returning home hours later after stopping by the GLC carnival.<br/>**ANTI-ETHAN**</p>
            </blockquote>





	Can't Win

**Author's Note:**

> DISCLAIMER: Queer as Folk and its characters are the property of Cowlip and Showtime. No copyright infringement is intended.

_Earlier that evening:_

_“No. I have a pretty big cock as well, and I give one hell of a blow job, right Ethan?”_

Okay, I admit, that comment was pretty cunty of me. But seriously, I was beyond giving a fuck by that point. Ethan had practically dragged me to that party at his friend’s apartment, mainly to prove to them that I was a real person and not some fairytale boyfriend that he was making up to impress his friends. Once we got there, I could feel right away that it was not my kind of scene. It almost reminded me of Michael’s party for Senator Baxter, before we crashed it, that is.

After Ethan introduced me to a few of his friends, one of them started talking about a classmate of theirs that had been eliminated from the Heifetz Competition that Ethan has been practicing non-stop for. Poor Marta is terrified to perform in public and blah blah fucking blah…

After a few minutes of that, I started drifting around the room. It took Ethan several minutes to even notice that I had left his side.

Bored out of my fucking mind, I went off to an empty part of the room to smoke a cigarette. I didn’t know if it was okay to smoke in there. I didn’t notice anyone else smoking, saw no ashtrays lying around, and didn’t smell stale smoke in the air, but then again, I didn’t give a flying fuck. After I took a couple puffs, I felt arms encircle my waist and could smell Ethan’s cheap generic cologne that he wears too much of. I know cigarette smoke isn’t very pleasant, but it’s better than that nasty shit he sprays on, in my opinion. I don’t know which is worse - his cologne or the ever-present cat stench. It made me miss the smell of Brian’s French aftershave cream…

“Having fun?” Ethan had the nerve to ask me.

I was standing there with my back to the room, by myself. Did it look like I was having fun? But instead, I said, “Yep, it’s great.”

“Liar,” he answered.

God, give me a break...

“No," I said, "your friends are really smart. I guess I’m just nervous, that’s all.”

I’m so full of shit...

Ethan bought it. He looked in my eyes and said, “Aww, don’t be… you’re with me.” He put his hand on the back of my neck and gave me a kiss.

I guess I should have tried to have more fun. After all, Ethan went to Mel and Linds’s anniversary party with me a couple of weeks before, knowing that there would be a bunch of lesbians, along with several of Brian’s friends, there. I did have to beg him a bit to go, because the girls really wanted the both of us to come. No matter what happened between me and Brian, I would always want to stay friends with Mel and Linds, and I would always want Gus in my life. I had to give everyone credit - they did treat Ethan nicely, especially Deb, who I was most worried about. I was still pissed at Michael, so we stayed away from him and Ben. Brian later showed up and punched Michael for something he said, and the party quickly went to shit afterwards. I imagined that Michael had said something asshole-ish about me being there with Ethan. I later forgave Michael enough to work on  _Rage_ , because I needed the money, but I was still a little pissed that he had to go and shoot his mouth off to Brian about me and Ethan. But then again,  _I_ was the one that cheated on Brian and Michael was just trying to be loyal to his best friend.

Ethan’s friend with the poodle hair soon came over and asked me about my art. After telling him what types of art I had been working on lately, he gave me a condescending look and deduced that I was more than just a pretty face. Fucking asshole… the son of a bitch knew me all of ten minutes, what the fuck did he know? I decided that I had enough of the ugly motherfucker. I looked the guy right in the eye and said the cunty comment. I then looked over to Ethan, who looked a bit surprised. He gave me a nervous smile, and then I turned around and walked to the other side of the room to finish my cigarette in peace.

As soon as I said it, I knew that it was something that Brian would have said to shut someone up… and something he would totally agree with. I  _do_  have a pretty big cock and certainly give one hell of a blow job. I damned well should - I was taught by the best.

I remembered that the Center’s carnival being held at Babylon was that same night, and Brian had said he left my name at the door in case Ian… er, Ethan and I decided to come. I left the party a few minutes later, telling Ethan to stay there without me, since he was obviously having a good time talking shop with his friends.

I took the bus to Liberty Avenue, wondering why the hell I felt the urge to go to that thing, got off and walked one block to Babylon. I walked around for a bit, looking at the different booths and games. Yep, it had _Brian_ written all over it. After seeing some guy check Brian out, I felt the room closing in on me. I shouldn’t have felt jealous, but I did. It always hurt to see other guys flirting with Brian like I wasn’t even there. I left Babylon after only a few minutes, feeling even more out of place than I had at Poodle Hair’s party.

That trick probably gave Brian head in the backroom no more than two minutes after I left.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

_Later at Ethan’s apartment_

I lumbered up the last flight of stairs ( _holy shit_ , I needed to start going to the gym…), the sound of the violin coming from Ethan’s… uh, our apartment. He was playing Paganini’s “Cantible” for the  _millionth fucking time_. I swear, I heard that shit in my sleep.

I opened the door and the smell of the litter box hits my sinuses. Christ, I can’t believe I actually used to want a cat. They fucking stink and their dander messed with my allergies. The previous week, Ethan showed me how to clean out the litter box, but I didn’t plan on ever cleaning it out by myself. I must have sneezed about fifty times over the next two hours, my eyes watery and itchy. I could barely pet Wolfram for more than a couple minutes without wheezing and itching.

After hanging my jacket on one of the hooks screwed into the wall, I walked around the couch (that stinky, nasty-ass stained couch that Ethan saved from the garbage truck) and sat down, Wolfram staring at me from the bed. Ethan had put a sheet over the couch, so at least there was a barrier from the stains.

As I bent over to untie my shoes, Ethan stopped playing his violin in the middle of a note, suddenly noticing my presence. I looked up at him and saw a pissed off look on his face as he sat his violin and bow on the floor by the windows.

“Where the fuck have you been?” he asked me as he walked around the bed towards me. “You went to Brian’s fucking carnival, didn’t you?”

“Uh, it wasn’t  _Brian’s_ carnival," I clarified. "It was a charity function for the-”

He dismissively waved his hand. “Yeah, yeah, whatever… you went didn’t you? I thought you were coming straight home?”

“I decided to stop in at the carnival to see how it turned out-”

“And  _he_ was there, right?” Ethan asked, his hands on his hips. “You took the bus all the way across town to see  _him_?”

Okay, at that point, I was getting pissed. I stood up and said, “What the hell is your problem? I told you that I am over Brian… if you don’t want to accept that, it’s not my fault.”

“Oh, bullshit! You’ve been gone for hours. What the hell have you been doing all night? What was I supposed to think?” He started counting on his fingers. “I didn’t know where the fuck you where, who you were with, when you’d be home, if you were even okay…” His voice began to crack and his eyes welled up with tears.

“Ethan! Relax. I only stopped in at the carnival for a few minutes-”

“Then why the hell are you home so late?” he interrupted once again. “It doesn’t take four fucking hours to take the bus from Collier’s place to Babylon, and then from Babylon to here!”

“No, but I took a walk down Liberty for a little bit before I got on the last bus, is that so fucking terrible?" I yelled. "Do I have to get your permission to do any-fucking-thing,  _Mother_? Can’t I have any fucking time for myself?”

He looked at me in shock with his mouth gaped open. I had no idea why he was blowing this so out of proportion. So I went out for a couple of hours without him, big fucking deal! When I was with Brian, I never had to account for where I was, who I was with, what I was doing…

Oh… Shit. I rubbed my hand over my forehead and started pacing the floor while Ethan began to cry. Did I have to remind myself  _again_ that I was not with Brian anymore and that Ethan  _did_ care about those things? That I should have let him know where I went, because we’re… partners? No, that didn’t feel right - it was too soon for that. Boyfriends, yeah… partners, I wasn't sure about that.

I took a deep breath and calmly said to him, “You’re right… I’m sorry. I should have told you I was going to the carnival, or at least called-”

“You’re Goddamn right you should have told me!" he yelled, tears streaming down his cheeks. "Especially after what you said to Collier… do you have  _any_ idea how fucking embarrassing that was? How could you say something like that to someone, Jus?”

God, I hated when he called me that… I would have never called him “Eth”…

He continued, “And then you just fucking leave to go to an event that Brian organized?” 

I looked at him, at a loss for words. “I… I don’t know-”

He put his hands on my chest, shoving me. “You don’t know?! What…”

Suddenly, there was a banging noise on the wall, which scared Wolfram off the bed, and we heard the guy in the apartment next door yell, “Shut the fuck up!”

Ethan sniffed and exhaled with a huff. In his normal volume, he then said, “How could you embarrass me like that, when all I was trying to do was show my friends what a great guy you were? Huh? How fucking lucky I am to have such a gorgeous, amazing boyfriend? What, I go to your friends’ party with a bunch of people I don’t know, and you can’t do the same for me?” He angrily swiped at his face with his sleeves.

I put my hands on the sides of his neck and looked into his brown eyes, which were still glistening with tears. “You’re right… I acted like a child tonight.”

He forcefully pulled my arms off of him. “You’re Goddamn right you did. Not that you were lying... duh.” He snorted a tiny laugh. “But still, you didn’t have to show your ass like that.” He turned around and sat on the bed with his back to me.

“Ethan… I guess I just… I felt so out of place with your friends…”

He quickly turned his head, glaring at me. “Oh, and you think I felt at home with a bunch of  _lesbians_? And then Brian showed up, after you promised me that he wouldn’t…”

“I  _swear_ , I thought he wasn’t going to," I pleaded. "I wouldn’t have gone at all if I knew he’d be there. Melanie and Lindsey didn’t expect him, because he hates going to their parties. He didn’t even go to their wedding last year; he chose to go to a sex party in Miami instead.”

Ethan shook his head and looked down at his callused hands. “Shit… what a prince.”

“Yeah… but I…" I took a deep breath, trying to get the wording right to appease him. "I was there listening to you talk with your friends tonight, and I felt so self-conscious, because I know nothing about that kind of stuff. I acted like a smartass just to make myself feel better. I didn’t intend to make you look bad, I swear. Then I went to Babylon and saw what a freak show the carnival turned out to be, and I didn’t feel right there, either. Some guy was ready to suck Brian’s dick right in the middle of the crowd, like always… It was a mistake for me to go, especially without you and without telling you first.” I sat down on the bed next to him and put my hand on his back. “I’m sorry, okay?” I leaned in and put my nose on his temple. “Please forgive me.”

He turned his head a bit towards me. “Don’t you  _dare_ pull shit like this on me again, you hear me?”

I reached up and put my other hand on his cheek. “I promise,” I whispered before pulling his face up and lightly kissing him.

“I love you so much, baby,” he whispered back to me.

In response, I deepened the kiss, pushing my tongue into his mouth. I could taste the cheap boxed wine he always bought.

I pulled away a few seconds later and asked, “Do you want to, uh…” I gave him my famous Sunshine smile and tilted my head towards the head of the bed.

Ethan chuckled a little.“Um, I need to practice for a bit more. Can we do it after?”

I ran my finger down his chest and playfully responded, “Well, who knows if I’ll be in the mood after…”

Damn, another Brian line… I had to stop doing that shit.

Ethan’s face drops. “What? I…” He closed his eyes and sighed. “Never mind, then.”

He stood up, walked back over to the windows, and picked up his violin and bow. He then began to playing fucking “Cantible”… again.


End file.
